Triggers (last day or so)
On the ward:
- Wrong food supplied by the catering staff yesterday (and I didn’t eat half of it as a result)
- Wanted to go out first thing in the morning, but had to wait 40 minutes for morning medication.
- Being told I had to knock on a door to get staff attention (the contamination anxiety induced by that causes me to avoid knocking)
- Distractions (phone, book, video games) all felt really unpleasant for no good reason.
- Got forgotten at lunch time (usually I’m served first to avoid “contamination”).
- I then refused to eat anything, which didn’t help either as I was actually hungry.
- I was also worried about eating too much which led me to refuse breakfast, in retrospect that was a mistake as it would have meant I’d eaten something today, rather than nothing (so far, 15:20).
Coping strategies used
- Yesterday: The usual distractions – which didn’t seem to do much
- This morning: Going out for a walk/run – which helped
- Had a shower (after running) – only took 30 minutes, which is a pretty good time for me, helped me feel OK.
- Distractions (phone, laptop, etc.) – they were ineffective
- Sedative (about 12:30) – limited effect
- Crying (about 12:15 until about 13:15) – pretty effective, I felt better when I’d finally stopped crying.
The “meltdown” is the unrestrained crying. I felt unable to speak to anyone while it was ongoing; even though there was a nurse trying to speak to me.
Recovery, Maybe? 