The fear that once surrendered, control might never be recovered.

The fear that the controller will abuse the control to put me in situations I’d never normally agree to.

The fear that the controller will be viewed as the way to get me to do something, and people stop assuming I have autonomy, and getting my PoV when making decisions.

The terror of the moment I say “no” – and the controller acts aggrieved as if its a personal insult for me to refuse to follow the directive.

The terror of being trapped in a situation where the best option is continuing to surrender control, as all the other options leave me without support.

Context

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what makes me scared of giving trust to and just following advice from staff caring for me. It’s hard, as I’m either fighting myself, or fighting them (in my mind, not literally).