I don’t know.

I used to though? The plan was to go to a unit in London for treatment.

Now I’m scared the unit will refuse to treat me because distress still causes thoughts of self harm.

A unit near where I live that is rehabilitation accommodation refused me partly because of the self harm thoughts, and partly because I was “complex”.

I feel lost.

I may be experiencing short term side effects of my latest medication.

I’m not sure it matters if the feelings are the medication, they feel real to me.

Back to the original question, why do I go on?

I still don’t know, and that scares me.